Looking deep-ward into my recovery process it hasn’t been a smooth sailing highway that most people have traveled. It has been a very crazy life, and that is the life that I am used to. I have been in some form of therapy since around 7th grade. I also have had issues with trauma that has affected my life. I am going to be extremely candid and personal here, and say that yes, I was abused. I won’t go into the detail of “who” “who” or the “what happened” but to say that I am also in a good place and the ability to write out everything will be a process.
The first trauma that I can remember vividly was the abuse (but this was reoccurring), but the second was when I thought that my dad had died. I was a second grader, and I wasn’t sure what had happened. All to find out, my dad had suffered his first of many seizures. I had gone to counseling in 7th grade, which I wasn’t understanding the “why” I was going to counseling. I also wasn’t willing to talk about what was worrying me so much that it was discontinued.
But, back to the first trauma: Yes, I was sexually assaulted, not once but at least sixteen times by my babysitter, then a priest, a doctor, a massage therapist, and a friend of the family. Going back that far, I had attempted to block out the abuse which I felt had worked throughout public school until I got into college.
That was when I had attempted to kill myself, thankfully I was at school where I was in the counseling office where she had called my mom and was sent to the clinic where I would be admitted into the Behavioral Section of the hospital. All of the memories of the past abuse from the babysitter, and doctor had flooded my mind. This was when I couldn’t do squat about it but just deal with it. I was discharged from the hospital on Good Friday afternoon, after my 72-hour hold was up and sang at church on Holy Saturday. As apart of my discharge I was strongly required to go to day services at the clinic, which in my opinion was a total joke because I was the only person in the day services for the first two weeks.
When your told, “not to tell, or x, y, or z would happen” How do you deal?
You don’t tell however once I found out that it was only harming me, my time, and the therapist time I tried to find ways that I could tell. I had a therapist after being discharged from hospital who followed me until she retired.
Then, I got a post-secondary doctor who was a male. I wasn’t quite sure how to take him, because he was a guy and I only had worked with a male for a very short time. Once, I finally accepted him as a “safe” person I found that he is an amazing awesometastic therapist. He is a very compassionate person. He has taught me a lot about myself, and each session isn’t always sunshine and rainbows. But, with the amount of issues we had a lot of things to shift through. At this time I don’t feel like I am still hitting my high of highs, or even the lowest lows. But, my emotions seems to be much better in check and I am not always in a mode of trauma. I am learning to keep my emotions in the middle (which is much harder that it sounds). Recovery still feels like driving, but now I am in better control of
-My Recovery-
And it not what others think
I still have the labels, that perceptions that people with x,y,z, and w aren’t worth putting into the community. However, I am a person who tends to defy labels. The labels will still be there, but I know how to better those labels.
Find My Journey~Mental Health 